Beverly Steinhauer // Professional Counseling and Mental Health, LLC

Specializes in therapy for individuals, couples and families struggling with sex addiction.

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In Crisis…What Now?

March 15, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

I often see the betrayed spouses of sex addicts. They make an appointment and come in in crisis having just found out about their husbands infidelity via seeing a text on their phone, walking in to find him looking at porn, or becoming aware about an affair. They are confused, angry, hurt, in shock, and have no idea what to do. This is particularly traumatic when they are truly in love and surprisingly find out that the one person they assume has their back, is lying and leading a double life.

What should I do? What do I tell the kids? Is this for real?
Please, wake me when this is over!

The betrayed spouse may well be dealing with a sex addiction or a form of infidelity. With the marriage being threatened, the troubled spouse may comply and come in for help. There is much that can be done to help with porn addiction, cyber sex addiction, multiple lifetime affairs etc. Thanks to the renowned Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. and his work in the area of sex addiction since the 1980’s, we now know what it is and how to treat it. He has developed a task-based model. CSATs (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) have studied his model and become competent with this standard of care. We know it has worked extremely well for people struggling in these areas. Also, we know, the traumatized partner deserves a chance to heal from all she has been through with her mate. CSATs are trained to work with the partner as well. Whether she stays or goes, she needs a chance to process what she has experienced so that she may understand and move forward with a healthier insight of herself and the spouse in the future.

I have had patients in recovery refer to the worst thing in their life, turning out to be the best thing in their life. Basically saying, had they not gone into therapy with the crisis, they would not have had the chance to enter recovery and learn so much about themselves. This new found insight turns out to be conducive to a happier, healthier lifetime. Many couples do make it through the storm, stronger and closer. Do not suffer in silence. There is help for you.

Filed Under: addiction, betrayed spouse, gratitude, sex addiction Tagged With: addicts, betrayed, betrayed spouse, certified sex addiction therapist, CSAT, recovery, sex addiction, sex addicts

Positive Affirmations: Changing Stinking-Thinking to Power Thinking

March 1, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

We have heard different versions of the Bruce Lee quote,  “as you think, so shall you become.”

As children we internalize most every thing and come up with ideas about how we feel about ourselves, how we think others view us, basically our lens as to how we view our world. Unfortunately, these views are frequently negative, distorted and unrealistic. Unchallenged, as we become adults, we carry these views with us and they can become anxiety and stress provoking, as well as self-defeating and self-deprecating. We literally can’t get out of our own way and become our own obstacles to a healthy, satisfying life.

The good news is, these beliefs about one’s self are learned. What’s the possibility you misinterpreted and assumed incorrectly? Maybe it wasn’t you at all that was the problem. Perhaps we grew up being criticized by a negative, overly critical parent. Perhaps you were emotionally abandoned by a parent who was there in body, but not present emotionally, due to mental illness. There are a million scenarios as to the origin of your beliefs, but one thing is for sure. Children internalize and feel they are the problem and they deserve what they get. Children are all too sure they were not worthy or loveable, otherwise, the proof, they would have been treated differently.

If our behavior and views are learned, they can be relearned. Yes we know now the brain has plasticity, that is it can re-learn. This is where positive affirmations can be so powerful. When you take that negative thought, view, or idea, and flip it to the opposite, you have your positive affirmation. Instead of, “I could never be slim,” you would say, “I can be slim like that.” Instead of “no one will ever love me,” “I am loveable and worthy.” The more we repeat the affirmations, the quicker we build the new neuropathways. Yes, it takes time and consistency. Why look what you accomplished with the old distorted thinking and negative affirmations. They became bad habits. You can turn it around. So, write them down where you can see them. Say them out loud so you can hear them. Utilizing your senses helps to accomplish learning. Every day, have a positive affirmation that you repeat 200-300 times. Watch the change in your way of thinking. “As you think, so shall you become.” You are in control, make the change.

Filed Under: depression, gratitude Tagged With: affirmation, bad habits, belief about self, neuropathways, positive affirmations

Are You a Blamer?

February 23, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

Have you ever noticed how some people are always blaming others for their problems and mistakes? Do they really see other people to be responsible or is something else going on? Listen to this short clip by Brene’ Brown for a different perspective.

Filed Under: abuse, addiction, codependency, positive psychology, sex addiction, trauma

Changing the Way You Think

January 21, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

Remember…..the brain has plasticity. You CAN change the way you think.

Read this article by Rick Hanson, PhD
5 Ways to Rewire Your Brain for Happiness and Peace of Mind.

 

Filed Under: addiction, anxiety, codependency Tagged With: adjust the way you think, happiness, peace, rewiring brain

Persistence

January 20, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

Persistence is key to anything one is trying to master.
Persistent healthy choices erode unhealthy behavior over time.
Great analogy.
Keep at it.

Filed Under: addiction Tagged With: persistence, quote

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Life is a journey that sometimes requires assistance whether you are struggling with everyday problems or more complex issues. Your choice of Counselors is important. With over thirty years of experience in nursing and counseling, my approach is holistic, working with each client to give them hope, while bolstering their self-esteem and strengthening their ties with a supportive network. This is accomplished in a safe, confidential atmosphere of mutual respect, fostering sensitivity and understanding. My interest and training are diverse with advanced, specialized training in several areas. These sub-specialties broaden my scope of practice and capabilities to meet the individual needs of my clients.

Some areas of Interest and Experience include but are not limited to:
Sexual Addiction
Partners of Sex Addicts
Intimacy disorders
Relationship problems
Mood Disorders including Depression and Bipolar
Anxiety Disorders
Chronic Pain
Trauma Resolution
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Sexual Abuse
Incest
Adult ADHD
Teens and Online Addictions (i.e., Pornography and Gaming)

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Finding the Silver Lining

When faced with a crisis or adversity, know that you may well find a silver lining from the experience. Most of the time, the clients I see are in crisis. They are in such emotional pain or chaos that they are seeking help and wanting relief. Sometimes looking back in retrospect, we are fortunate to see that from some of the worst things in life, we experience some of the best things. With maturity and experience we can learn to recognize this when faced with adversity. Know that it is through difficulty, heartache, and sometimes suffering, that we truly grow. We find out so much about ourselves while becoming valuable to others. We … Read More >>>

Why should I choose a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT)?

As a problem becomes more complex, it requires more specialized treatment. Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) are recognized as experts in sex addiction treatment. Often sex addiction has underpinnings of trauma and abuse. CSATs are trained to pick up on things that another counselor would perhaps not see.

Take a Screening Test

The Sex Addiction Screening Test (SAST) is designed to assist in the assessment of sexually compulsive behavior that may … Read More >>>

SIGNS & SYMPTOMS

There are many signs that point to sex addiction, below is a list of some symptoms and signs to watch out for: Loss … Read More >>>

Insurance Accepted

WE ACCEPT: Blue Cross and Blue Shield

    

© 2014–2020 Beverly B. Steinhauer
Professional Counseling and Mental Health, LLC
Beverly B. Steinhauer
MS, RN, LPC, CSAT, CMAT
bbs.pca@gmail.com
tel: 251-634-1990
Mobile, Alabama
Serving Mobile and Baldwin Counties in Alabama

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