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Specializes in therapy for individuals, couples and families struggling with sex addiction, CSAT

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De-Stressing the Holidays

November 15, 2015 by beverly steinhauer Leave a Comment

The kids will soon be home and the holidays are fast approaching. Most people love the holidays, but some find them stressful, depressing and sometimes lonely. Between work, shopping and all of the festivities, they can be totally over-whelming.

In October of 2000, Xylo conducted a random survey regarding stress and the holidays. The results showed the most frequent cited reasons for stress or anxiety were shopping, lack of time, and expense.

A bit of management can perhaps make the holidays more enjoyable for all. You do have the advantage of hindsight regarding past holidays. What worked well for you in the past. What was problematic? What changes might be beneficial for yourself and everyone?

Give everyone a heads up as to what to expect. Let them know that this year you are trying a few things differently. This way there are no surprises and everyone has a chance to adapt.

Pull out your calendar. Plan your holidays, events, family outings, shopping, etc. You might have to visit family one week early for Christmas or have a family dinner two days before or after to get around to everyone. Perhaps everything will not be celebrated on Christmas day, but this way you might get to see everyone and be ultimately less stressed.

Have expenses got you down? Set a budget. Take advantage of potluck dinners and spread the work around. Let everyone bring their favorite. With a little planning you can have full-course meals. Consider home made gifts this year. Of course everyone should not be limited to someone else’s decision of how they plan to give, but do what you can comfortably do and feel good about it. A homemade gift is a gift of one’s time and there is nothing more valuable than time.

So customize your Christmas and make a few changes in an effort to de-stress your holidays, and most of all….,while pacing yourself, enjoy the holidays, be nice and keep the joyful spirit.

Filed Under: addiction, anxiety, depression, drug addiction, gratitude, positive psychology, self awareness, Uncategorized, worry Tagged With: expense, holidays, lack of time, shopping, stress

Aren’t we all addicted to sex?

November 1, 2015 by beverly steinhauer Leave a Comment

I recently heard this remark. Not sure if they were joking or serious.

I think the best way to approach this question is to ask what constitutes an addiction.

Merriam Webster defines addiction as: The compulsive need for and use of a habit forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly: persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful.

With regard to sexual addiction, I have heard several definitions, but I deferred to Patrick Carnes and his explanation. “Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related, compulsive behavior which interferes with normal living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and one’s work environment. It is a compulsive behavior that completely dominates the addict’s life. “

Sexual addiction has been called by other names such as sexual compulsivity and sexual dependency. What ever you choose to call it, it becomes priority in ones life. It takes precedent over family, loved ones, and work. They will sacrifice these in order to foster their addiction.

Sex addiction is not more prevalent in any particular sector of our population. The statistics are pretty much consistent with those of recovering alcohol and drug addiction. According to Patrick Carnes, 3 to 6% of the population is facing sexual addiction. It is not uncommon for people to be struggling with several addictions at one time, but sex addiction is supposed to be the most difficult to stop.

Sexual addiction is different for each person. There is no set pattern.

Examples of how sex addiction manifests:

  • Having chronic affairs
  • Looking at pornography
  • Prostitution
  • Anonymous sex
  • Compulsive masturbation
  • Voyeurism
  • Dangerous sex practices
  • Exhibitionism

“Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences, is one of the main clues as to addiction, according to P. Carnes. In his book, Don’t Call It Love, 1991, some of those consequences are:

  • Loss of partner or spouse (40%)
  • Severe marital or relationship problems (70%)
  • Loss of career opportunities (27%)
  • Unwanted pregnancies (40%)
  • Abortions (36%)
  • Suicide Obsession (72%)
  • Suicide Attempts (17%)
  • Exposure to AIDS and venereal disease (68%)
  • Legal risks from nuisance offenses to rape (58%)

Persistent pursuit of self-destructive behavior. (They continue despite consequences feeling as though they will deal with them when they become a reality).

  • Ongoing effort or desire to limit sexual behavior only to find it makes it worse.
  • Getting married.
  • Moving to a new neighborhood or town.
  • Changing jobs.
  • Becoming immersed in religion.
  • Periods of sexual anorexia.

Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy.

Regularly increasing the amount of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficiently satisfying.

Severe mood changes related to sexual activity.

In ordinate amounts of time spent obtaining sex, being sexual, and recovering from sexual experiences.

Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities because of sexual behavior.

There is much more to say, but I think I have supported sex addiction sufficiently to help one form an opinion. Let me also say, if you are concerned about this, the first thing to do is to admit there is a problem and seek help. Find a professional that is qualified to help. CSATs (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist ) are recognized as the experts in this field.

So, back to the original question, aren’t we all addicted to sex? What do you think?

 

 

 

Filed Under: abuse, addiction, alcohol addiction, anxiety, betrayed spouse, codependency, depression, drug addiction, fFind a therapist, sex addiction, trauma, Uncategorized Tagged With: addiction consequences, affairs, compulsive masturbaation, exhibitionism, fantasy, pornography, prostition, self-destructive behavior, sexual compulsivety, sexual dependency, sexual obsession, voyeurism

Not My…

October 11, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment


According to Dr. John Gottman, “the most devastating effects of porn use are more emotional than physical and more relational than personal.”

It is happening to other people, you think it isn’t happening to anyone you know; not your husband, your wife, your son, or your daughter but the statistics are shocking.

Filed Under: addiction, sex addiction Tagged With: porn addiction, pornography, pornography and consequences, teens

Shocking Facts about Sex Addiction

September 20, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment


Filed Under: addiction, betrayed spouse, confidential help, fFind a therapist, sex addiction

Betrayed Spouse

September 7, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment


Filed Under: addiction, betrayed spouse

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Life is a journey that sometimes requires assistance whether you are struggling with everyday problems or more complex issues. Your choice of Counselors is important. With over thirty years of experience in nursing and counseling, my approach is holistic, working with each client to give them hope, while bolstering their self-esteem and strengthening their ties with a supportive network. This is accomplished in a safe, confidential atmosphere of mutual respect, fostering sensitivity and understanding. My interest and training are diverse with advanced, specialized training in several areas. These sub-specialties broaden my scope of practice and capabilities to meet the individual needs of my clients.

Some areas of Interest and Experience include but are not limited to:
Sexual Addiction
Partners of Sex Addicts
Intimacy disorders
Relationship problems
Mood Disorders including Depression and Bipolar
Anxiety Disorders
Chronic Pain
Trauma Resolution
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Sexual Abuse
Incest
Adult ADHD
Teens and Online Addictions (i.e., Pornography and Gaming)

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Aren’t we all addicted to sex?

I recently heard this remark. Not sure if they were joking or serious. I think the best way to approach this question is to ask what constitutes an addiction. Merriam Webster defines addiction as: The compulsive need for and use of a habit forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly: persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful. With regard to sexual addiction, I have heard several definitions, but I deferred to Patrick Carnes and his explanation. “Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related, … Read More >>>

Why should I choose a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT)?

As a problem becomes more complex, it requires more specialized treatment. Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) are recognized as experts in sex addiction treatment. Often sex addiction has underpinnings of trauma and abuse. CSATs are trained to pick up on things that another counselor would perhaps not see.

Take a Screening Test

The Sex Addiction Screening Test (SAST) is designed to assist in the assessment of sexually compulsive behavior that may … Read More >>>

SIGNS & SYMPTOMS

There are many signs that point to sex addiction, below is a list of some symptoms and signs to watch out for: Loss … Read More >>>

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© 2014–2025 Beverly B. Steinhauer
Professional Counseling and Mental Health, LLC
Beverly B. Steinhauer
MS, RN, LPC, CSAT, CMAT
bbs.pca@gmail.com
tel: 251-634-1990
Mobile, Alabama
Serving Mobile and Baldwin Counties in Alabama

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