Beverly Steinhauer // Professional Counseling and Mental Health, LLC

Specializes in therapy for individuals, couples and families struggling with sex addiction.

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De-Stressing the Holidays

November 15, 2015 by beverly steinhauer Leave a Comment

The kids will soon be home and the holidays are fast approaching. Most people love the holidays, but some find them stressful, depressing and sometimes lonely. Between work, shopping and all of the festivities, they can be totally over-whelming.

In October of 2000, Xylo conducted a random survey regarding stress and the holidays. The results showed the most frequent cited reasons for stress or anxiety were shopping, lack of time, and expense.

A bit of management can perhaps make the holidays more enjoyable for all. You do have the advantage of hindsight regarding past holidays. What worked well for you in the past. What was problematic? What changes might be beneficial for yourself and everyone?

Give everyone a heads up as to what to expect. Let them know that this year you are trying a few things differently. This way there are no surprises and everyone has a chance to adapt.

Pull out your calendar. Plan your holidays, events, family outings, shopping, etc. You might have to visit family one week early for Christmas or have a family dinner two days before or after to get around to everyone. Perhaps everything will not be celebrated on Christmas day, but this way you might get to see everyone and be ultimately less stressed.

Have expenses got you down? Set a budget. Take advantage of potluck dinners and spread the work around. Let everyone bring their favorite. With a little planning you can have full-course meals. Consider home made gifts this year. Of course everyone should not be limited to someone else’s decision of how they plan to give, but do what you can comfortably do and feel good about it. A homemade gift is a gift of one’s time and there is nothing more valuable than time.

So customize your Christmas and make a few changes in an effort to de-stress your holidays, and most of all….,while pacing yourself, enjoy the holidays, be nice and keep the joyful spirit.

Filed Under: addiction, anxiety, depression, drug addiction, gratitude, positive psychology, self awareness, Uncategorized, worry Tagged With: expense, holidays, lack of time, shopping, stress

Seven Signs

June 2, 2015 by beverly steinhauer Leave a Comment

By Lisa Kirchner 08/03/12

From serial dating to unsafe sex to unexpected STDs, here are some must-read tips to find out if you—or your partner—are suffering from sex addiction.

Watching porn certainly does not indicate one has a problem with porn or sex addiction. An infidelity does not indicate sex addiction. How can you identify a problem or this much misunderstood addiction? This is a very direct, down to earth article about the signs and symptoms you might want to see a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) about.

http://www.thefix.com/content/7-signs-you%E2%80%99re-dating-sex-addict70002

Filed Under: addiction, betrayed spouse, self awareness, sex addiction, worry Tagged With: addiction, affairs, Ashley Madison, certified sex addiction therapist, CSAT, infidelity, sex, sex addiction, worry

Self-Awareness

June 1, 2015 by beverly steinhauer Leave a Comment

 These are simple words, but a large concept for some. Our lens (the way we perceive our world) can cloud or color our vision of ourselves. It is so hard to be objective when our emotions distort our interpretations of how we view ourselves and see our world. After all, we are a product of our experiences. Maya Angelo once said,

“ You’ll never remember what someone said, you’ll never remember what someone did, but you will always remember how someone made you feel.” There they are again, those feelings and emotions. So often we don’t really know what we are feeling. We just know how we are feeling. If it is bad, we try to escape those feelings quickly. How do you escape your feelings? Some people get really busy with work, cleaning, or a project. Some use alcohol or drugs. If this escape is a crutch, eventually they may develop an addiction. Some people just try not to think about it. How’s that working for you?

Jay Asher states, “But you can’t get away from yourself. You can’t decide not to see yourself anymore. You can’t decide to turn off the noise in your head.” As hard as you may try, those emotions are just there. You can develop some really bad habits and addictions trying to cope the best way you know.

Self-Awareness calls for introspection. Introspection takes time, sometimes painful, uncomfortable time. What causes you grief? C. G. Jung once stated, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead to an understanding of ourselves”. Perhaps this would be helpful, or maybe you already know what your problems are.

Identifying those triggers, those things in your life that act like a mechanical trigger in initiating a process or reaction by you, are essential. What triggers your painful, unpleasant thoughts that make you want to escape. Are you triggered by anger, a fight with the wife, money, financial struggles, or too much money? It is well worth your time to examine and answer this question. The Buddhist would suggest you respond to that question with an absurd answer, thus provoking a mental debate about the question. Look at options, talk with someone you respect, seek out a trained professional such as a counselor. Have some quiet time to think without the usual interruptions of the day. Invite opportunities to be alone with yourself. Take a walk and think, not ruminate (to go over in your mind repeatedly for an extended period of time, much like a cow chewing it’s cud)….., but think. Counter the negativity in your mind with just the opposite, the positive. Wear some good positive grooves in that brain to replace the old, redundant, distorted, negative ones. Meditate.

Some people hate being alone for the very reason that they may have to deal with themselves and their thoughts and problems. Rather than doing that, they prefer to be distracted by others, thus avoiding the realization of that which they would rather forget.

Instead of running from the emotions that haunt you, identify what they are, when they surface and what you can do to deal with them in a healthy way. If self-awareness is something you cannot accomplish on your own, healthy discovery in a safe place that offers confidentiality can be a good choice. Insight and self-awareness can lead to a happier you and a healthier sense of well-being.

Filed Under: abuse, anxiety, codependency, depression, positive psychology, self awareness, worry Tagged With: anger, anxiety, depression, emotions, insight, realization, self awareness, triggers

Sex is Fundamental

November 24, 2014 by admin Leave a Comment

Think about this. This makes total sense.
“Sex is Fundamental. It seems to be the area of life that most deeply touches our personal issues. Whatever problems we face in life sooner or later impact our sexuality. If we are chronically angry, the anger will eventually become sexualized. If we cannot tolerate closeness, we will fail at sexual intimacy. If we need to be in control, passion will elude us. If we have experienced trauma, we may repeat it compulsively through how we express our sexuality. If we are perfectionistic, sexual response will elude us. And, if we are so overextended and driven that all of our important relationships are abbreviated, sex will seem brief and overrated.

To put in in another way, we can hide with sex, we can hide from sex, but we cannot be fully ourselves sexually and hide. Our sexual behavior is a core expression of who we are. We do not change fundamental personality traits or beliefs when we become sexual. Issues that we have in general, we will also have sexually. No technique or method will change that.”
Sexual Anorexia — Patrick Carnes

Filed Under: addiction, anxiety, sex addiction, trauma, worry

Finding the Silver Lining

October 30, 2014 by admin Leave a Comment

When faced with a crisis or adversity, know that you may well find a silver lining from the experience.


Most of the time, the clients I see are in crisis. They are in such emotional pain or chaos that they are seeking help and wanting relief. Sometimes looking back in retrospect, we are fortunate to see that from some of the worst things in life, we experience some of the best things. With maturity and experience we can learn to recognize this when faced with adversity. Know that it is through difficulty, heartache, and sometimes suffering, that we truly grow. We find out so much about ourselves while becoming valuable to others. We develop a new level of empathy and understanding and can help others during their time of need. Although it is almost impossible to welcome hardships, it is unrealistic that you will make it through this life unscathed of such. So, when faced with a crisis or adversity, know that you may well find a silver lining from the experience. Perhaps this awareness will provide the encouragement that allows you to work through the tough times.

Filed Under: abuse, addiction, anxiety, codependency, depression, sex addiction, trauma, worry Tagged With: chaos, crisis, emotional pain, empathy, grow, hardship, relief, silver lining, understanding

Next Page »

Life is a journey that sometimes requires assistance whether you are struggling with everyday problems or more complex issues. Your choice of Counselors is important. With over thirty years of experience in nursing and counseling, my approach is holistic, working with each client to give them hope, while bolstering their self-esteem and strengthening their ties with a supportive network. This is accomplished in a safe, confidential atmosphere of mutual respect, fostering sensitivity and understanding. My interest and training are diverse with advanced, specialized training in several areas. These sub-specialties broaden my scope of practice and capabilities to meet the individual needs of my clients.

Some areas of Interest and Experience include but are not limited to:
Sexual Addiction
Partners of Sex Addicts
Intimacy disorders
Relationship problems
Mood Disorders including Depression and Bipolar
Anxiety Disorders
Chronic Pain
Trauma Resolution
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Sexual Abuse
Incest
Adult ADHD
Teens and Online Addictions (i.e., Pornography and Gaming)

ARCHIVE

Aren’t we all addicted to sex?

I recently heard this remark. Not sure if they were joking or serious. I think the best way to approach this question is to ask what constitutes an addiction. Merriam Webster defines addiction as: The compulsive need for and use of a habit forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly: persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful. With regard to sexual addiction, I have heard several definitions, but I deferred to Patrick Carnes and his explanation. “Sexual addiction is defined as any sexually-related, … Read More >>>

Why should I choose a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT)?

As a problem becomes more complex, it requires more specialized treatment. Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) are recognized as experts in sex addiction treatment. Often sex addiction has underpinnings of trauma and abuse. CSATs are trained to pick up on things that another counselor would perhaps not see.

Take a Screening Test

The Sex Addiction Screening Test (SAST) is designed to assist in the assessment of sexually compulsive behavior that may … Read More >>>

SIGNS & SYMPTOMS

There are many signs that point to sex addiction, below is a list of some symptoms and signs to watch out for: Loss … Read More >>>

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© 2014–2020 Beverly B. Steinhauer
Professional Counseling and Mental Health, LLC
Beverly B. Steinhauer
MS, RN, LPC, CSAT, CMAT
bbs.pca@gmail.com
tel: 251-634-1990
Mobile, Alabama
Serving Mobile and Baldwin Counties in Alabama

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