gratitude - Beverly Steinhauer // Professional Counseling and Mental Health, LLC

De-Stressing the Holidays

November 15, 2015 by beverly steinhauer Leave a Comment

The kids will soon be home and the holidays are fast approaching. Most people love the holidays, but some find them stressful, depressing and sometimes lonely. Between work, shopping and all of the festivities, they can be totally over-whelming.

In October of 2000, Xylo conducted a random survey regarding stress and the holidays. The results showed the most frequent cited reasons for stress or anxiety were shopping, lack of time, and expense.

A bit of management can perhaps make the holidays more enjoyable for all. You do have the advantage of hindsight regarding past holidays. What worked well for you in the past. What was problematic? What changes might be beneficial for yourself and everyone?

Give everyone a heads up as to what to expect. Let them know that this year you are trying a few things differently. This way there are no surprises and everyone has a chance to adapt.

Pull out your calendar. Plan your holidays, events, family outings, shopping, etc. You might have to visit family one week early for Christmas or have a family dinner two days before or after to get around to everyone. Perhaps everything will not be celebrated on Christmas day, but this way you might get to see everyone and be ultimately less stressed.

Have expenses got you down? Set a budget. Take advantage of potluck dinners and spread the work around. Let everyone bring their favorite. With a little planning you can have full-course meals. Consider home made gifts this year. Of course everyone should not be limited to someone else’s decision of how they plan to give, but do what you can comfortably do and feel good about it. A homemade gift is a gift of one’s time and there is nothing more valuable than time.

So customize your Christmas and make a few changes in an effort to de-stress your holidays, and most of all….,while pacing yourself, enjoy the holidays, be nice and keep the joyful spirit.

In Crisis…What Now?

March 15, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

I often see the betrayed spouses of sex addicts. They make an appointment and come in in crisis having just found out about their husbands infidelity via seeing a text on their phone, walking in to find him looking at porn, or becoming aware about an affair. They are confused, angry, hurt, in shock, and have no idea what to do. This is particularly traumatic when they are truly in love and surprisingly find out that the one person they assume has their back, is lying and leading a double life.

What should I do? What do I tell the kids? Is this for real?
Please, wake me when this is over!

The betrayed spouse may well be dealing with a sex addiction or a form of infidelity. With the marriage being threatened, the troubled spouse may comply and come in for help. There is much that can be done to help with porn addiction, cyber sex addiction, multiple lifetime affairs etc. Thanks to the renowned Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. and his work in the area of sex addiction since the 1980’s, we now know what it is and how to treat it. He has developed a task-based model. CSATs (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) have studied his model and become competent with this standard of care. We know it has worked extremely well for people struggling in these areas. Also, we know, the traumatized partner deserves a chance to heal from all she has been through with her mate. CSATs are trained to work with the partner as well. Whether she stays or goes, she needs a chance to process what she has experienced so that she may understand and move forward with a healthier insight of herself and the spouse in the future.

I have had patients in recovery refer to the worst thing in their life, turning out to be the best thing in their life. Basically saying, had they not gone into therapy with the crisis, they would not have had the chance to enter recovery and learn so much about themselves. This new found insight turns out to be conducive to a happier, healthier lifetime. Many couples do make it through the storm, stronger and closer. Do not suffer in silence. There is help for you.

Positive Affirmations: Changing Stinking-Thinking to Power Thinking

March 1, 2015 by admin Leave a Comment

We have heard different versions of the Bruce Lee quote, “as you think, so shall you become.”

As children we internalize most every thing and come up with ideas about how we feel about ourselves, how we think others view us, basically our lens as to how we view our world. Unfortunately, these views are frequently negative, distorted and unrealistic. Unchallenged, as we become adults, we carry these views with us and they can become anxiety and stress provoking, as well as self-defeating and self-deprecating. We literally can’t get out of our own way and become our own obstacles to a healthy, satisfying life.

The good news is, these beliefs about one’s self are learned. What’s the possibility you misinterpreted and assumed incorrectly? Maybe it wasn’t you at all that was the problem. Perhaps we grew up being criticized by a negative, overly critical parent. Perhaps you were emotionally abandoned by a parent who was there in body, but not present emotionally, due to mental illness. There are a million scenarios as to the origin of your beliefs, but one thing is for sure. Children internalize and feel they are the problem and they deserve what they get. Children are all too sure they were not worthy or loveable, otherwise, the proof, they would have been treated differently.

If our behavior and views are learned, they can be relearned. Yes we know now the brain has plasticity, that is it can re-learn. This is where positive affirmations can be so powerful. When you take that negative thought, view, or idea, and flip it to the opposite, you have your positive affirmation. Instead of, “I could never be slim,” you would say, “I can be slim like that.” Instead of “no one will ever love me,” “I am loveable and worthy.” The more we repeat the affirmations, the quicker we build the new neuropathways. Yes, it takes time and consistency. Why look what you accomplished with the old distorted thinking and negative affirmations. They became bad habits. You can turn it around. So, write them down where you can see them. Say them out loud so you can hear them. Utilizing your senses helps to accomplish learning. Every day, have a positive affirmation that you repeat 200-300 times. Watch the change in your way of thinking. “As you think, so shall you become.” You are in control, make the change.

Develop a Sense of Gratitude

October 29, 2014 by admin Leave a Comment

“In our era, the road to holiness necessarily passes through the world of action.” Dag Hammarskjold.

There is much to say for positive psychology. All too often we recognize what is wrong. Problems are easily identified. Criticism is abundant and sometimes brutal. This is the way of the world. Remember your last evaluation? Did they recognize your strengths, what you are good at? Take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses. Build on your strengths and passions. In other words, if you are not good in Math, don’t plan on a career in Engineering. Be realistic. Above all, develop a sense of Gratitude. Feeling down? Instead of ruminating about all that is wrong, stop and think about all that is right. Seem backwards to you? Give it a try. Really think about everything you have to be grateful for. (Bet you don’t do that very often.) More than likely, you will feel more hopeful. Retrain your brain. Oh yes, it can be done. We now know, the brain can be retrained. Unlearn the old, relearn the new. Positive affirmations instead of the personal sabotage you have engaged in for years will be necessary. You want change? You have to change something. Repetition of past behavior and thoughts will only insure the same results. You have everything to gain including a new perspective. Trust me, there is a domino effect here, for you and all around you.

Find more information contact me at bbs.pca[at]gmail.com or schedule an appointment at (251) 599-1024

De-Stressing the Holidays

In Crisis…What Now?

What should I do? What do I tell the kids? Is this for real?
Please, wake me when this is over!

Positive Affirmations: Changing Stinking-Thinking to Power Thinking

Develop a Sense of Gratitude

“In our era, the road to holiness necessarily passes through the world of action.” Dag Hammarskjold.

Aren’t we all addicted to sex?

Why should I choose a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT)?

Take a Screening Test

SIGNS & SYMPTOMS

Insurance Accepted

What should I do? What do I tell the kids? Is this for real? Please, wake me when this is over!

“In our era, the road to holiness necessarily passes through the world of action.” Dag Hammarskjold.

Why should I choose a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT)?

Take a Screening Test

SIGNS & SYMPTOMS

Insurance Accepted

What should I do? What do I tell the kids? Is this for real?
Please, wake me when this is over!